Inaugural at Palladium de Paul

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Inaugural at Palladium de Paul’s???!!! What the fuck kind of gay headline is that, Lum? How about Pandemonium at Paul’s Poker Palace? Or maybe, Paul’s Poker Table gets its Cherry-popped at the Guy Grotto. I could go on, but the harm’s been done already.

Kudos do go to Paul for an outstanding job on his makeshift poker table. Not bad at all for a quick job. It’s just too damn bad that he lives in South friggin’ Surrey, fer Cris’sakes. Now if we could only get the Angry one to get off his lazy Asian ass and turn his garage into a Poker Palace of his own, we’d all be as happy as a fly on shit.

Just a random thought…. How about if we use our bad-beat money to enroll Mauro in an Anger Management class? Our own surly sourpuss statistician was so disgusted with the way the poker gods treated him on Friday that he left early and did NOT finish his stat keeping for the night. This was rare indeed, for I do not remember the last time he did that, if ever. I don’t mean to get on your case Mauro, but I don’t understand this anger of yours. At week 16 of last year, I was down $274.00. That’s over $100 more than what you’re down at week 16 of this year. Sure I was depressed and pissed off about it, but I never showed it at the table. As your closest friend, I sincerely hope you work through whatever demons are plaguing you. On the other hand, maybe I’m the one who’s out of line. Why should I or anyone else care about your behaviour at the table? ‘Nuff said, I guess.

Kudos also got to our body-hair challenged Asian wanker for his formidable comeback from a $100 buy in to only losing $15 by the end of the night. From zero to almost hero. Not bad at all Kenny. With a record 11 players at one game, I thought that we would be breaking a new buy-in record for sure, but with Mauro’s early departure and no more buy-ins from him, he deprived us of a new record there.

We are most definitely at a stage in our games where we could have 12 or more players at each game. I know that I for one have recently been failing to call extra players who otherwise would have liked to join us regularly. Guys like Ian, Peter, Bhimal, Gerry, Steve, Jaime, Al, Bill, Debbie, and Andrew are ones who come to mind. That’s not to mention your friends who might also like to join us regularly. So what do we do? Keep the status quo, or limit our games to the houses with the big tables and the room to host 12 players? C’mon Lum, get off your ass and cough up the necessary dough to convert your garage to a Poker Den, then we can use your place as a permanent home for our games.

Next week’s game is at the house of this week’s Donk, Mr. Lobster Bobster, on Friday at the usual time. ‘Till then…

SpiC out.  

NOTE: Current stats will from now on be located in the stats tab above. Look for it there.




Birthday Bashed For All

Ingrateful bastards. All-a-ya. Me and the wife go out of the way to put out a splendid feast for you guys and what do you do? You all contribute to another step backwards for the Eel, that’s what you do. You could have allowed me to at least stay positive for the night by respecting my raises and folding, but noooooooooooo, you had to call and then had the audacity to win. No sympathy for the birthday guy, eh? Alright, now I know how it’s gonna be, I will get my revenge next week at Paul’s new table.

Let’s face it though, Kenny’s right, it was bizzarro world. Ken and Dave, the only 2 winners out of 9 players? Weird. Oh well, it’s not so bad I guess. The bottomfeeders must have their day every once in a while. After all, if they didn’t get some crumbs now and then, what would keep them coming back? Another weird aspect of this week’s game was that we tied the buy-in record of $480. Not so weird until you realize that the 2 winners only won a combined total of $115. The rest of the money was spread out in comebacks. As a matter of fact, every one except our fuzzy Italian friend came back to recoup most of their losses, most notably Alex, who after buying in for $100 came back to only lose $34. As for yours truly, it was a real up and down night for me. 3 times I was up and 3 times I was down, and I do believe that if we had continued playing, I would have gone back up again.

Not much more to say so I will say to more much not. Next week’s game is Friday at Newfie Paul’s, so I will need to get an address from our kilted laddie, our wee Scotsman, Mr. Goudie McDonk. Good luck to all you degenerates.

Eel out.

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Mr Eel AWOL, Mr Angry go Postal

There is no excuse for Carlos not doing his blog.  He is riding as high as he's ever been.  On the other hand, I have been the victim of extreme donking over and over.  What card do you need on the turn or the river?  If you play me, you will hit.  Now you understand why I am going to get my firearms license with Peter.  Very Angry Out.

Personal Redemption at the House of Beef

Finally, I actually managed a decent win at Alex’s place. After losing a total of $384 at his place alone, last year, not only did I win money, but I actually ended up with the top spot with +$51.75. Just to put last year’s dismal showing at Alex’s in perspective, if I had missed every game at his place last year, I would have ended up at +$120 for the year, good for 5th place (behind Alex, Keith, Bob & Ron).

It was another good up and down game for most of us this Friday, with 5 winners and 3 losers. Alex’s last hand desperate all-in bluff against Mauro payed off as he ended up eking out a positive finish at +$9.00. I can understand Mauro not wanting to call. By folding, he guaranteed a positive finish as well and the 2 points. He ended up at +$4.25. Bob and Keith continued their good play and finished 2nd & 3rd, with $44.25 for Bob and $26.25 for Keith.

Speaking of The Force, we’re gonna have to change his moniker to something more tame, like ‘Light Breeze” or ‘Newton’s 3rd Law’. For those of you who are not familiar with Newton’s Laws, the 3rd one states that for every force there is an equal and opposite force in effect. Alex tamed him last year, but can he do it again? And if not Alex, then so far, it falls on either me or Bob to push back. At the risk of repeating myself from last year, this man (and Alex too) must be reigned in and brought back so the rest of us can have a chance to compete. I know that the year is not even a quarter of the way done, but these things have a way of getting out of control. Hopefully, with Jack’s imminent return, the Master can rebound from his mediocre finish last year, and show us how to bring these two down… getting it done, Mexican Style.

Peter was back and was, as always a joy to play against. His loose and sometimes perplexing play did not pay off this time, as he went down in flames to the tune of $42. The thing with Porno Pete is that it’s hard to put him on a hand. One usually assumes that he’s goin’ in with nothing, and he’s not afraid to call your bets, so you start seeing dollar signs in front of your eyes. But that can also backfire as he sometimes turns over a legit winning hand and you’ve just lost a substantial chunk o’ cash. It happened to me and a couple of others in Friday’s game. In the end, he played a few too many chasers and was bitten in the ass for his troubles.

What can I say about Dave that hasn’t been said already? His generosity at our table is legendary, and true to form, he once again left the game with a lighter wallet. By losing $45 he is getting dangerously close to the -$300 mark with less than 3 months having gone by. You do the math…, yep, it’s ugly. With the Scottish Ass from Space taking a bye this past game, this leaves us with Kenny (Fuk Yu) Lum. The Angry one’s losses since the 1st game have been slow but steady. In the past 7 games, he has lost a total of approx. $180. Certainly not earth-shattering, but it is a trend that if unabaited will put him into ‘Dave’ territory pretty damn soon, but I will give him the benefit of the doubt and put it down to his recent troubles with vertigo. The Asian mind however, is prone to helpless panic at the best of times, but when you throw in shitty poker skills AND dizziness to boot, then you’ve got a recipe for disaster. I for one, am rooting for your speedy recovery from crappy poker-itis. Mr. Angry’s continued generosity netted us $48.50. As always, thank you for your contributions, my friend.

Alex, you are correct in your stat-keeping, and the men in the lab coats are now monitoring my slow slide into senility. Corrections have been made, and thanks for the heads-up. Jack, when can we expect your return to the fold? Donk of the Week must go to Keith, although, Dave, Bob and I certainly came close to taking that dubious honor. This Friday’s game will be at Mr. Angry’s House of Pain at the usual 8pm. I hope to see all you mofo’s there.

SpiC out.

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